Dumb Sorority Bitch!

SO here's the story...


This weekend I was at a party. I was talking to this girl, and she had a friend. Before I met the friend, I was prefaced with the fact that this girl was visiting from Maine. Ok, so drinks
are flowing. That always helps.

So, I meet this friend. I shake her hand and say, "Hi, my name's Justin, nice to meet you." She says, "Hi, nice to meet you." I then say, "I heard you're from Maine." She says, "Yes." I say, "Well, it was nice of you to shave your legs for tonight's party."

Ok, funny, yes...come on you know it. Offensive...well, no. I'm smiling and saying, 'just kidding.'

A minute or two later, she says, "I just graduated college." I say, "Cool." She says, "I was in a sorority." I say, "What sorority?" She says, "Phi Mu." I say, "Oh, cool...Phi MOOO."

Ok, funny, eh...offensive, well, no. I haven't met any of her sorority "sisters." But again, smile, 'just kidding.' Not this time...she goes off.

"Phi Mu has been around longer than this country, since 1831! You can't say that! You don't even know us. That's so rude!" I say, "Wait, wait, Sir Isaac, I'm no history buff, but (and this is just some random fact I picked up in 4th grade), but I'm pretty sure this country was founded a few years before 1831. And furthermore, maybe I should poke fun at your college and not your sorority for not having any idea when this country was called a country." She went on to tell me how I wasn't funny and was just mean, and I had no right to say any of that.

I went on to argue with her for a few minutes with something resembling what I'm writing below:

So, here's the breakdown. I offended her for the Phi MOOO comment because, according to the person who told me this (a good friend of mine who was in the sorority), Phi MOOO is a common nickname given to them by other fraternities and sororities because of the reputation of having rather robust women. At the time, I just said it and didn't think about what it meant. Upon further examination though, I decided she still should not be offended.

First, she was not fat. Second, I don't know a single person in her sorority! If I attacked her personally, that's wrong. If I attacked her friends, that's another thing. I didn't do either. This is all the reason to not be offended. Oh, and her legs were shaved and I have never been to Maine (and I mentioned this, along with the fact that I've heard it is a very pretty state).

And lets get one more thing straight. Frats and sororities are fine I suppose. Drinking urine as a hazing and ritualistic chest shavings are odd, but whatever. The people in sororities and fraternities are not 'sisters' and 'brothers.' That may be what they call each other. There is tradition there, ok. But they're not kin. At best, a few of them will remain truly good friends. And that's great. But the whole brother-sister thing (or, to be more exact, that some take it to heart)...that's just a way of rationalizing the fact that these are people you initially don't know and decide to pay money to drink the same beer with.

Like I said, later, some may become close friends. And I'm all for close friends!

Some folks need to get off their high horse and stop taking themselves so seriously. Just because you don't have a funny comeback to what I say doesn't mean you should be offended. Laugh or don't laugh. That's your choice, but don't get bitchy. It's a goddamn joke. I make fun of myself way more than I make fun of anyone else. It's called humility, and for $1 you can make a collect call and go get some.

One other thing. I have friends who, on occasion, will say, your mom jokes and sometimes they get directed at me. This happens occasionally, and sometimes they double-take to see if I'm offended. Why? Because my mom is no longer alive. I'm not offended at all, though. Because it is a joke. Just a joke, and if it's funny, I laugh. Or at least I fake laugh, if it was a decent effort.

A very wise philosopher once said, "If we couldn't laugh, then we'd all go insane..."

...like this bitch.