The Marathon Didn't Make Me Pee Blood

It was difficult. But I made it. Over a week out from my first marathon in Big Sur, CA, I'm here and for the first time reporting on the matter. How'd I get through it?

Michelob Ultra at the finish line. Ran and had casual conversation with a hot blonde for several miles -- whom finished only 3 minutes behind me. An ass slap from a female race volunteer, Monterey dentist and self-professed "horn ball" with 300 meters to go. And copious amounts of performance enhancing drugs.

My time: 3 hours and 4 minutes. That's about 7:02 pace per mile. 30th out of over 3,000 marathon finishers. I'll take it. https://www.runraceresults.com/Secure/RaceResults.cfm?ID=RCLJ2009

The course was amazingly brutal and amazingly beautiful at the same time. The tag line on the website, "Run Big Sur for the Worst Time of Your Life. And the Best." Not having run a marathon before I didn't have to worry about the former implication. The course was extremely hilly and the wind was blowing hard from the ocean. In the early miles, I chose to run it with others like a bike race. Drafting and trading the lead with other competitors. If someone cut me off or chose to go for a while without taking the wind and pace, I'd spit to the side, letting the wind carem my saliva onto the other person's face. I'm a douche bag.

Ok, not really. That happened once though. By accident. And I apologized and awkwardly offered to wipe it off.

The race was fantastic for the most part. It's the type of race suited for a guy like me -- great scenery, a bit of ADD, and a penchant for the type of vanity you feel with supportive fans greeting you at the mile marks. Although, this one lacked huge fan fair since it was on a somewhat isolated Central California Coast. I ignored the lack of fan fair and imagined I was at the Tour de France about to take the Yellow Jersey just to later have it taken away due to my aforementioned drug use.

In the end, finishing the race was one of the best feelings of my life. I actually gave a huge high five to a volunteer pulling race tag numbers. I've never been so proud to 'just finish' a race. But it was awesome. I'm just pissed there weren't groupies.

If I Die In My 1st Marathon...

1. I should back track. If I'm to survive my 1st marathon, please note that I promise to purchase a watch in preparation for my 2nd. I will also study a pace chart, thoroughly get to know the course and do long runs that span longer than 7 miles.

2. Big Sur to Monterrey isn't a bad location to keel over. Amongst the redwoods and with an ocean view.

3. I want to be cremated, my ashes tossed in the Pacific. I want a memorial service with many friends and family, a post-party with Marty doing something stupid (probably a female), and a picture of me shirtless and a caption reading, "The Incredible Hul-labaloo"

4. A picture of me doing stand-up with a caption reading, "please don't laugh."

5. For some of the meaningful things I've tried to say to take on some sort of meaning, and furthermore, application in others' lives.

6. To know that jokes and goofing around have a meaning far beyond the exultation a punchline exudes.

7. If you want something, do it now. Don't wait. Don't rationalize it until later. Do it now. Hence 26.2.

8. The Simpsons is a great education.

9. Why I could die happy at 23 and why I'm running a marathon:

"...Hans felt...at peace with himself and what he was doing. He had always been terrified of plane turbulence, as if he might die with the best inside of him, but now he could fly through a violent storm sleeping like a baby. Strange indeed." - The 4-Hour Workweek, page 39.

and... "you don't need to prove nothin' to nobody except yourself." - guess the apropo movie title

Yellow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qI8I6qcxWyU