My Dog Got Offered Sex This Morning

Seriously. The time was 7:14am. I was by the mulched area with the plants that enter the storage place next to my apartment. Seconds later, an Asian man appeared with 2 dogs. My dog pulled from me with strength, a habit she doesn't break when greeted by other animals. I pulled back in defiance. Or was it jealousy?

My daughter is Minna Cross. My pit bull mix. A 2-year-old renegade of a dog. She has energy, can be a hellion, but is sweet as can be. A truly beautiful animal. The 2 dogs walking by...also quite beautiful. The 1 animal was a brindle, just like mine. Kind of like the Cincinnati Bengals' Mascot.

The man and I exchanged kind, semi-awkward conversation, and after about 20 seconds of broken, unassertive Asian-accented conversation, the gentlemen asked if my dog was spade. I guess I said she was a she at some point during our brief encounter, or he had been eyeing up my animal for a while, watching me walk her on a regular schedule, following Minna during her daily routes to relieve herself, standing outside my shower. Who knows, really? Nonetheless, he jumped on it, and posed the statement, "I'm looking to breed my dog."

I awkwardly chuckled, and said something equally on-point, "Oh ok." Good work, comedian.

It took me a few seconds as I walked back to my apartment gate with animal feces wrapped in the LA Times newspaper until I realized this dude had just propositioned my Minna Cross for sex. I guess he didn't proposition her for himself. That'd just be way too Alabama. But he propositioned me - for Minna - for his dog. I wondered if somehow, with only 3 more degrees to go, we could connect this audacious proposition to Kevin Bacon.

Thinking back, I feel quite honored. I mean, Minna Cross is my kin. I did birth her. Or paid $100 from a kennel. Because, to own a good looking animal is a true feeling of pride.

PS- If this article didn't make you laugh, just take a brief look at the tag words I used.

The Best Marketing is to Not Produce Crap

I don't claim to be an expert on anything. I'm decent at hitting a punchline, probably better than the average hack comedian. I can run fairly fast, again faster than the average jogger pushing a twin stroller with a dalmation by his side. There are a couple things I can say with confidence I just know that others don't quite understand. Kind of like the Time Warner guy who comes and installs your internet. He does this within minutes with unfettered success and now you check your email and include crass remarks within your blog without having an idea where the hell the dude drilled or what cords connect to what. He knows what to do and how to do it, leaving you flabberghasted and yet, extremely satisfied. Are you listening ladies? I'm referring to oral sex.

Nonetheless, the proclamation of expertise is a blurred one to say the least. It's like every other book at the front of a Borders is either from some politician or a self-help 'expert.' Books about making money, picking up women, losing weight, and marketing are, themselves, a beautiful example of the double-edged sword that is capitalism. Producing a product. Marketing that product. Having people buy that product. But do the people get something out of it?

My answer: it depends. I've read several of these books (for free from the pubic library--and yes, my library ironically had the "l" stolen from the front of its building) that seem, at least to the simpleton I may very well be, convoluted information on bringing in complex and unrealistic systems of organization and structure into my daily life. Given I'm sure the reality of implementing this type of advice depends on the person, situation, goals, etc., I can't get around one major main idea that seems to at least be hinted at but rarely called out in many of these books. This main idea: Don't Produce Crap.

Find something you like and get good at it. Work hard and try to work smart. The systems of organization don't make sense to a lot of the people who buy it and/or offer practical implementation techniques. Even if they do, it has to be simpler. Much simpler. They don't need an expert's manual. They need a beginner's manual. We all need beginner's manuals for the things we do most of the time. When we have some talent or are considered at least decent at something, that's when we turn to reference manuals. Not books in pretty hard covers that overpromise, oversell and overmarket (and will often times tell us to do the same thing).

So to all who follow a passion, it is very easy to get caught in the trap of compensating for a lack of skill by overly marketing. In some cases, for the business men and women and comedians, you may make some money and/or become as famous as Bob Saget. But believe it or not, I suspect from a truly outsider's point-of-view, those have there slight downsides. The way to overcome is to produce work that people truly value. That's it. When the product you produce finds value in the hands or heart of others, then reach for that reference book at your local pubic library.

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." Leonardo DaVinci

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcDCvQbOdig