A Comedy Called Dying: Part I

When I think about it, I pause. And I lose myself. In the train of thought that accompanies something unattached, distant, abstract and yet, absolute.

Death scares me. But more so, it makes me wonder. I wonder about the crazy events that lead up to now, and the fact that I can walk and talk and think. I wonder if I've lived another life or if I'm going to live another one -- if so, I'd prefer something near the Hamptons. I hear the Autumn there is to die for!

I think about this a lot. Usually, I'm alone in my boxers drinking a cold Coors Light. I know my Coors is cold because it is Cold Activated. When the mountains are blue, it means my beer is as cold as the Rockies. Thanks subversive marketing campaign...now I want to drink and possibly live out my golden years in the great state of Colorado.

It's amazing what we have here. And maybe it's more amazing on the other side? Or the next side? Or maybe there is nothing on the other side? Or...who created sides? Is there a God? Why does He watch me all the time? I do weird things.

But do these questions ever end? Who knows the answer? Should I just not think about it? Should I think about it? Should I go to Church? Because if the crazy dude with the megaphone and hat yelling on the Promenade is right then at least I'll be in the clear! I wonder what an acid trip would do for me? Maybe that crazy dude isn't so crazy after all? Can I even grow a crazy man's beard? Probably not, my facial hair is currently blonde and grows at the rate of a New Jersey lawn.

Though I know these questions don't ever seem to have a period, the one thing I'm quite confident in is the fact that I am sure as hell not the only one to ponder them. Way back when, now and 200 years from now, the same questions have, are and will be asked. 200 years from now, I may know a little more as to the answers.

I hear the phrase frequently, "live as today is your last" or "live in the moment" or variations of these. Is that possible to do? I mean, if I lived as if today was my last, I probably wouldn't wear pants. Anywhere. Just nude. At the grocery store, on my front porch. Not at the dog park. I see bad things happening there.

Really, though. You can't possibly live in the moment all the time, or most of the time. I mean, maybe. But you wouldn't be the most productive person. In fact, you'd have to be like my old roommate. Where the parents buttress your finances and weed and reality tv suction you to a dirty, torn up couch, so much so, that you can see the ass grooves in the middle cushion. True story.

So, I'm left with questions. But I have to have some resolution. Something, I can say, 'ok this is what I think and now I can go to sleep. Now, I can go run. Now, I can read the paper (or now, internet aggregators).' Now, I can go function in society because this little game I'm playing with life and death and living and dying, well, it is fickle and fragile and logic only gets me so far.

So, I resolve that questions are all I have.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eejRZaL9-LQ This song makes me want to dance awkwardly.

Pop Music With Teeth

I saw this line in a blog I frequent. And sometimes when you read or hear or say a great line, a line that captures complex, ambiguous thoughts in a precise and succinct way, you're only left repeating it.

"Pop Music With Teeth."

"Dissection. Exploration."


And Layers.


Pop is a layer. A sometimes simple, yet necessary and seemingly complex layer to pull off well. A fun layer. A happy layer. A layer meant solely for entertainment. A layer to get caught up in and lose your brain for a few minutes when it starts running in circles.

Music With Teeth. A smart layer. A thoughtful layer. Deeper meaning. Thoughtful, insightfulness. Saying something that matters because pop and culture have a long ways to go before they meet in a harmonious and productive place.

This doesn't go just for music. This goes for everything. Especially art.

And I'm starting to fall in love with art. Music, comedy, even acting (the real acting--not the shit Vin Diesel does). Before, I liked art. I'd take it to a Chili's. Have a couple drinks. Maybe take it back to my place and see where things go. Now, I love it. Meaning now, I'd take it to The Olive Garden. Possibly caress its hair and pour it cheap Merlot before attempting an 11th grade-style finger bang.

But I love art. Above all, it truly is an exploration. An exploration that starts with the mind and flows through all the senses. It baffles me and fascinates me. It's like, that's what humans -- with all our grand and limited capacity -- were meant to do.

Just Dick Jokes

Doctors save lives. Judges make decisions that effect whether people spend their lives behind bars or not. Soldiers go to war.

And yet, the #1 major fear in this country is public speaking. All those other jobs I just listed involve life or death decision-making. What is the risk in public speaking? Embarrassment?

I've been doing stand-up now for about 4 years. Since I started, people always say, "Wow! That's awesome. I couldn't ever do anything like that. I'd be too scared." In a certain respect, I feel proud. Maybe its a compliment I think to myself. But for the same reason I have the "courage" to get up in front of people is the same reason I can almost disregard that comment completely. Moreover, I feel bad sometimes for the person making the comment. Why? Because I'm a complete dick. Ok, maybe not completely.

I feel bad because a) I understand people have talents and b) can only be good at so many things but c) feel that the reason why people say they can't do anything is because they're insecure. It bothers me that people say this. If somebody had a gun to your head to do it you would. Its not about comedy. Its not about public speaking. Its about the idea of an individual holding back on something that rationally makes sense because their ego is so goddamn fragile.

When it comes to public speaking, as a tip you often hear, "picture the audience in their underwear." Or if you're constantly horny, "picture the audience naked." I'm the latter. But in the words of Apple CEO Steve Jobs, we're already naked.

Again, it goes back to not being scared to fail. The point is that we already have nothing to lose. We're all going to die. Some of us sudden and without warning. Not trying to be dramatic, but its true.

So Man or Woman Up. I'm committing to 4 days per week of performance. Because for all my words, I still fight that fear of failure even after performing for 4 years. But I need to get over myself. So I am.

OK Go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI (awesome video)

ps- I'm trying to spice up the blog w/ some pictures. Why not throw Clay in there? And no, that's me when my hair gets long.