If I Die In My 1st Marathon...

1. I should back track. If I'm to survive my 1st marathon, please note that I promise to purchase a watch in preparation for my 2nd. I will also study a pace chart, thoroughly get to know the course and do long runs that span longer than 7 miles.

2. Big Sur to Monterrey isn't a bad location to keel over. Amongst the redwoods and with an ocean view.

3. I want to be cremated, my ashes tossed in the Pacific. I want a memorial service with many friends and family, a post-party with Marty doing something stupid (probably a female), and a picture of me shirtless and a caption reading, "The Incredible Hul-labaloo"

4. A picture of me doing stand-up with a caption reading, "please don't laugh."

5. For some of the meaningful things I've tried to say to take on some sort of meaning, and furthermore, application in others' lives.

6. To know that jokes and goofing around have a meaning far beyond the exultation a punchline exudes.

7. If you want something, do it now. Don't wait. Don't rationalize it until later. Do it now. Hence 26.2.

8. The Simpsons is a great education.

9. Why I could die happy at 23 and why I'm running a marathon:

"...Hans felt...at peace with himself and what he was doing. He had always been terrified of plane turbulence, as if he might die with the best inside of him, but now he could fly through a violent storm sleeping like a baby. Strange indeed." - The 4-Hour Workweek, page 39.

and... "you don't need to prove nothin' to nobody except yourself." - guess the apropo movie title

Yellow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qI8I6qcxWyU

Prosecuting Torture...and Surprise from Fox's Shep Smith

I've been waiting to talk about this as it continues to develop. However, it seems a few things are quite clear on the subject of what we've done to suspected terrorists. Memos have been released. We knew it before but now it is a bit more official.

People at the highest level of the Bush administration (including Bush himself) authorized tactics such as water boarding. Who took the heat? Ground-level people -- soldiers, sergeants -- pawns in a classic government game. Some were jailed, careers were ruined, embarrassed, one went as far as committing suicide.

Some still argue, including the former Vice President Dick Cheney, that the methods were effective in obtaining information that prevented further terror attacks. So, even if it is immoral and illegal, if it is effective, should we do it? Do the ends justify the means? Do we have principles, or do we just say that we do until times get tough? Does America torture? Is it wrong if we do?

And so is the same with going forward to prosecute Bush officials who committed these acts. Logically, it'd make sense to hold those who made an illegal call accountable. But what a bind to be in when those people are the opposition party in the highest government office in the most powerful nation in the world? Serious conundrum for the Obama administration.

Lets be clear. Torture is an ineffective long-term strategy. At the most, if Dick Cheney is right, torture is a band-aide and that's it. On the flip side, terrorists who have been innocently tortured have gone back to attack America after their release. There is a much larger systemic problem having to due how we deal with terror organizations and enemy countries. This is an answer for smart, sophisticated, and policy-driven people.

So should we prosecute Don Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, and Condoleeza Rice? Legally, if it looks like they did what it looks like they did, yes. Morally, is it right to go after people at the top (even if those people are the very top level elected officials), yes. No one is above anyone else, right? Politically, should we? Maybe not. This is Obama's conudrum.

Here's one offered solution that I don't know if I agree with, but I'll offer it: Free up the ones who paid the price down the line, acknowledge the mistake on the part of the country, make known big time throughout the world who signed off on it, and then make clear that this administration won't do the same.

This was surprising as hell, but am pleased to see it:

Shep Smith, Fox News Host, "We are America, We Do Not Fucking Torture": http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/22/shepard-smith-torture_n_190350.html

Hot as Hell in LA

3 triple digits days in a row, the dogs are panting, and small colonies are cloning in my nether region. It is hot as hell in LA. Even by the beach, balmy weather. My regards go out to those in the Valley...any valley. Florida is suffocating with the humidity. Same with Louisiana and the bayou. Out here, it seems to cook instead of engulf you. A sauna vs. an oven, is how my friend referred to the comparison.

Running wise, I have to say the oven is better. I like not having to ring out my shorts, or for the frat boy in me, lose eyesight over the burning hair gel that floods into my vision. Either way, I've figured out why people live in Colorado and/or have working AC. Of course, my slum lord has yet to get around to fixing the AC just like the lack of heat from December-February. But he's such a nice guy because he "lets me have a dog."

As I write this, sweat forms in the crevices of the back of my knees and my dog lays on the hardwood floor, a resourceful pup she is. Outside isn't as bad. But this house traps heat. I remember last summer the house I lived in trapped heat as well. And it was in the Valley! And AC was not in use either! And I lived in an upstairs bedroom! We're talking about a hotbox of 110+ degree temps!

I don't quite know what the moral to this rant is. Maybe, get AC or live near the beach for the sea breeze or summer in Colorado or the northeast. Fortunately, I'm moving next week into a living room in Marina Del Rey. That's right, a living room. For 700 a month including utilities and Internet. That's LA. But I'll be very close to the Venice Beach bars and literally on a Marina. For 3 months...I can swing it. I've had worse.

Ok, here's a moral that may apply. When things get a bit "stressed," remember the toughest circumstance you've ever been in. For me, it was losing my mom. 2nd, the Canton, GA cops. Think about how hard life was. Or, if your life's been a breeze to this point, flip on the news. Maybe NPR. Listen to what others in countries not so well off have to go through. Try hard to not take your circumstance for granted. Realize how lucky you are. Even if you're not the luckiest. Life doesn't have to be hard. If you're in a stuffy house w/ no AC, an extremely messy roommate and an irresponsible landlord, get out of it. Now. Same with the job. Need to lose weight? Get fit? Go. Now. Come on. Stop surfing Facebook/looking up porn. You have it in you.

The Luckiest: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ-y-bbbwKw

Traveling

Whenever I check out somebody's online profile, one of the most popular "hobbies" or "interests" I see is traveling. If it is not on your list, suffice it to say, it should. I've done a bit of traveling. Not nearly as much as a lot of people. But it's a priority, and it'll continue to happen.

Eagle Rock in Topanga
(where I ran today)

I'm motivated to write this because I ran a bit further today on a trail I've talked about before: Topanga Canyon in LA. The reason why this canyon trail is so cool to me is because it is geographically

centered between Malibu/Santa Monica and the Pacific Ocean and what's often referred to as "the Valley." Topanga has a personality all its own, though. It's like a small Carolina mountain town. But if you run long enough and high enough you get to enjoy the Pacific and Valley view. It is amazing.

Now, I didn't have to travel too far to see this. At least not today. Last May, when I moved cross country from Florida, I did however. People who know me assume I came here for comedy, but I didn't. I came because there's opportunity I didn't have where I was. Yes, opportunity to strike it big in entertainment. But what's so much more appealing was and still is the opportuntiy I had to meet knew people and see some of the most amazing landscapes in North America and the world.

Next week, I'll be running my first marathon in Big Sur, CA. I chose this race, not for time, but for location. I may not even register for the race, because its expensive and I'm a baller on a budget. I'll probably camp Saturday night or even find a cozy spot to car sleep. Again, not running this for a killer time.

Sometimes finances and time can strap you, but we can still pick our best spots and go for them. Kill two birds with one stone...meet a friend half-way and visit a city you've never seen.

I'm not so self-assured to say that traveling is the ultimate learning experience, but if it is not, it has to be pretty high up on the board. Today on my run, I considered advice I've heard and advice I've given. The greatest words don't match actually experiencing something. Sitting in class is static. Experiencing provides retention and offers a truly unique translation of events that happened. Think back to a time when you visited somewhere cool. Now think back to a time when someone told you about some place you had never been to. Which do you remember better? Which one holds more meaning? Conjures up more vivid feelings?

I have a friend from Australia. An Aussie through and through. This guy is tough. When it comes to work, when it comes to partying. One time, after making a crass sexual remark in which I lol'd to, he went on to make an extremely profound statement. "My goal is to travel every inch of this Earth before I die."

I often repeat that statement in my head randomly. It sticks out. It is a simple, yet bold statement. And I often think, "why is it so bold? It's so simple." Because, the word "travel" has so many levels. A word that can rearrange itself from verb to noun. And instead of explaining what I mean, travel for yourself. Keep doing it.

Gomez, See the World: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKJJRnuCwF4

The Android's Conundrum

Part I:

Often times, we -humans - find ourselves wrapped up in a puzzle. The puzzle begins somewhere around age 5 and seems, initially, fairly easy to figure out. At least at my elementary school, they provided motivational speakers who always told us to never say we can't do anything. Somehow, at almost 24, I find myself writing, my friends posting quotes, and my elders buying books about the same thing. Rarely do we live it out. Rarely do we act as if we can do anything.

Instead, we get married young, sometimes producing kids even younger. We resign to life in a cube. We search for a 401K and a healthcare plan, so we can put off dying. In the mean time, what we really put off is living. We give up. But we do it gradually, and we don't like to admit it. Our sense of wonder wains and is replaced by an easy chair and a sporting event. Ironically, the sporting event contains the type of people many of us are not.

But maybe we were once. Maybe we weren't at all. If we weren't at all, no harm, no foul. But if we were...just for a bit...why'd we give up?

This isn't meant to be a castigation, but an honest realization.

Part II:

3 Situations:

1. The middle-aged guy who sits home and watches the college team. Works the 9-5 and lives for the weekend. Has a wife, some kids. His daily office greeting is just about as predictable as his morning and evening shits, respectively.

2. The connected one. Apparently, in business, it is popular to have a "mentor." What makes a great mentor? I don't really know. But, I'd guess that number 1, you can't be a great mentor if you're not connected or well-off.

3. The Mexican immigrant aunt whose niece I tutor. Her dream is to learn how to use a computer. She's taking classes to learn and when I visit to tutor I've started working with her for a few minutes each time to show her how to use google.

I wonder how often these types think about each other? Put themselves in each other's shoes? Even cross-paths in a typical day? When we vote we presume to have firm stances on taxes, immigration, abortion, war. But do we know the soldier from the ghetto? Are we the well-connected business man with a solid upbringing and good education? Do we know what it is like to live in a really, really corrupt and poor nation? Do we know our advantages and disadvantages, our strengths and our weaknesses as opposed to our fellow humans? Do we care? Do we question? What's wrong with questioning? Have beers, have fun, but is there more to us?

Call it thinking outside of the box, but I think it is much more about thinking outside of ourselves. Thinking outside of what we think we know. Yes, it takes effort. Mental effort. But do it enough, action may even arise. The simplicity of a 5-year-old may even come out.

Le Shins: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHTSxw6zN1E&feature=related

I Tea Bagged Ann Coulter

For many a rational American male, it has been a long-time goal to tea bag Ann Coulter. Her controversial and often times hate mongering statements have made her a best-seller on book shelves, on TV and radio, through public speaking, in op-ed pieces in major newspapers, and in the dirty thoughts that often linger in my head.

God, just for one time, could I get with a tall, pretentious blond whom pawns off narrow-minded viewpoints as erudition of the world. I can't put this any other way. Sorry if I offend you. But damn it, I want to have angry sex with Ann Coulter. Just once. In the morning, we'll swing by the Hardees for an Egg and Bacon sandwich and some Minute Maid OJ. And never again will I call her back.

Yesterday, on April 15Th Tax Day, completely unintended by the inner workings of my head...I got one step closer to my dream. Among the hype of the truly grassroots campaign that was the 4/15/09 Tea Party, during my mid-day nap, I tea-bagged Ann Coulter!

While laying in my queen-sized bed I got from two gay guys for free and with CNN playing at a low-to-moderate volume in the background, the word "tea bag" kept creeping into my dreams as they reported on protestors protesting. Something. I think. Another word --because CNN was actually reporting on various FOX News personalities and camera crews to cover the events throughout the country -- "conservative commentators" also crept into my mind.

For some odd reason, the translation that was processed in my cerebral cortex was not of a Lipton tea bag, but of my balls. And instead of imagining various conservative commentators such as Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter appeared. And for some reason, in black lingerie.

When my balls and Ann Coulter met, no conversation of any sort ensued. No hot button gay marriage-type issues to argue over. No condemnation on my end for a communication and marketing method of hyping people up by playing into their weaknesses and ignorances simply to make a buck. None of that.

Simply my balls on Ann Coulter. In my dreams, and this is absolutely true, I tea bagged Ann Coulter.

My apologies to Yellowcard for the song follow-up to an Ann Coulter blog...the setting of this song (and the title) are in my hometown, Jax, FL:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFmdjvR1bYI

Rick Warren: In Hot Water with the Christian Right? Politics vs. Policy

Rick Warren, the pastor who presides over the massive Saddleback Church in Orange County, California, is now taking heat by many who share many of his same view points on social issues. Last week, Warren was on Larry King denying that he ever campaigned and supported Proposition 8, the amendment to ban gay marriage in California. Prior to this week, Warren and President Obama were protested from the left when Warren gave the invocation at Obama's Inauguration.

A good point made by Chris Matthews today...Warren is a pastor, exclusive to some degree to those who follow the same belief system about God. Not rocket science, and hardly controversial is this statement. So why is he so immersed in the political scene?

The answer: Us.

Church vs. State. And the separation, or not, of the two. Religion is something so ingratiated in the fabric of our culture and at the same time, a fine line that his constantly been walked and interpreted by many a political animal.

My argument: Politics is one thing. Policy is another. Politics contains bargaining, negotiating, protesters, people with signs, shenanigans, pursuasive techniques based on ends and not means. Policy is drama-free, a bit unexciting, powerful, meaningful, substantive, and most of all, rational. Policy can be arrived at through the politics of smart and well-intentioned people.

What Do I Mean By This? Marriage is a lawful contract that legally binds two people, allowing for, among other things, the benefit of joint health insurance and tax breaks. Marriage doesn't have to be done at a Church or any other religious institution. The Church is a ceremonial place, bent on tradition and dogma. Fine. I find the same tradition and dogma at the beach. But marriage, the legal contract it is, has just as much to do with a Church as does a beach. Meaning, it doesn't. A separation of Church and State that's already built into our system.

So why is this an issue to literally rewrite the rules to ban gay marriage, or how the Christian Right says, define it as a binding contract between a man and a woman? Politics. Not Policy.

John Mayer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPOBMzMTP4U